


Heaven is Broken

by kissmetommy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester Smut, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Sam Winchester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 22:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6539200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmetommy/pseuds/kissmetommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It shouldn’t have happened this way. Dean knows that this could have happened in a more romantic way, Sam knows that this could have been avoided. Jealousy is a difficult thing, it drives you to do things that you will surely regret in the morning. But every single thing Dean did was driven by jealousy, it ran in his veins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven is Broken

It shouldn’t have happened this way. Dean knows that this could have happened in a more romantic way, Sam knows that this could have been avoided. Jealousy is a difficult thing, it drives you to do things that you will surely regret in the morning. But every single thing Dean did was driven by jealousy, it ran in his veins. Sam knew this, he knew when they walked down the street and a woman or man would glance towards him, Dean would secretly be boiling inside. And when Sam crawled into Dean’s bed at night, Dean would turn the other way but his hand would reach around and hold the others hand tightly. He wouldn’t be able to see him but would be able to hold him, and some nights that was enough. But some nights, it wasn’t. Some nights Dean needed to see his little brother, he needed to hold him close to his body and see the way his lips looked when they shaped his name. He needed to see the way his muscles tightened under his touch. Sam didn’t care, he didn’t care in what way Dean used him, he just wanted his brother, his Dean. It shouldn’t have happened this way, Dean’s mouth opened and closed and Sam’s whole body was shaking under pressure.  
His hands were pressed against Dean’s arms, his head tucked into his neck like it had for the three past weeks. They were on the road again, looking for a spirit that was killing virgins. Dean was saying things that Sam didn’t understand, something about the case but Sam was too busy listening to his heart beat. It was faster than usual and Sam wanted to know why. He wanted to know why it was about to burst out of his chest. He wanted to know if it was because of him. Dean said something again, something that broke through the fog and somehow made it into his head. They never spoke about what they did. Not even in whispers or glances or touches. They just did it and then went to their separate beds, the echoing groans still bouncing around in their head. And even if they thought about it every moment of the day, they never once raised their voice to have an actual conversation. But that day, at the moment something grew inside of Dean, something dark and dangerous and frightening. It was love. And not like friendly brother love which they had always had before. No, this was different, this was all-consuming, overwhelming, jaw-dropping love. The kind that made your toes curl and your skin tingle. Dean had never felt like this before, not with any of his past girlfriends. Sam could argue that he had felt this way before, but he hadn’t, and it scared him shitless.  
Sam shook his head, not sure if what he heard was true. He heard things sometimes, they were in the back of his mind and always said the things that he was too afraid to say out loud. Then Dean said it again, louder this time and more confident, his chest rumbling.  
“I love you, Sammy.” Sam stayed quiet, pretending that he didn’t hear him. He wasn’t sure if this was a moment he was supposed to ignore, to forget it ever happened and move on. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to slip his hands down Dean’s pants and make him forget or if he was supposed to kiss Dean and tell him he loved him too. Then Dean said it again, even louder, almost shouting.  
“Did you hear me, Sammy?” Dean asks, throat growling. Dean sat up, causing Sam to slide off of his chest. He sat up, looking down at his hands placed in his lap. Sam was sweating, his heart rate had gone up severely.  
“I did.” Sam responded, voice almost inaudible. He couldn’t look up at his brother, he couldn’t look at the man that had just crossed the line. The line they drew together ten years ago when they started all this. And Sam doesn’t know what made Dean finally say those three words. Sam shook his head, he couldn’t say those words back to him. He couldn’t return the favor, because as much as he did love Dean. And not like brothers, he couldn’t cross over that line with him.  
“And?” Dean asked, his hand resting on his thighs and his mouth in a frown. Sam hated making his brother upset, mad or anything other than happy. He needed his brother to be okay, because, without him, he can’t function. And that may seem fucked up, and it was, very, undeniably fucked up.  
“And...Why now? Why now, we’ve been doing this for ten years and you have never once said those words.” Sam whispers, suddenly feeling self-conscious.  
“I don’t know. I just felt like saying it. Before, all those times, it didn’t seem right. But it does now, and I am sure that I love you. That I am in love with you.” Dean says, his mouth curving into a small smile.  
“You can’t just do that! You can’t just tell me that you love me out of the blue and expect me to be okay with it. I have been wondering forever if this was real. If this was an actual thing, if you felt the same as I did.” Sam says, his face growing red and his hands clenched in his lap. He felt embarrassed, and scared, his veins were swollen and his lips were too.  
Dean takes Sam’s hands out of his lap and covers them with his own. His thumb, running over his brother’s knuckles. “Does this feel real to you?” He questions, furrowing his eyebrows. Dean’s tongue flips over his bottom lip and Sam dies inside, his heart pumping loudly in his chest. He can feel Dean’s thumb as if it is running all over his body. And he needs him to be, he needs him to touch him. Skin to skin.  
“I-uh, yes. And you feel real, this feels real. I just can’t right now, okay?” Sam pleads silently with his brother, pleads that he won’t try to further this conversation. And that he won’t force him to say those three words, because when he does, there will be no turning back.  
“Why not?” Dean asks, and something in his eyes causes Sam’s heart to break into a million pieces.  
“Do you know how wrong this is?” Sam questions, his hands sweaty and his pulse echoing in the open silence. Dean’s face went white, his hands clamped together, and his eyes closed.  
“I thought we were passed this.” Dean groaned and ran a hand through his messy hair. Sam took a deep breath. A black truck drives quickly past them, they hold their breath, waiting to be alone again.  
“It was fine when we were just having sex and hooking up, but this can never work Dean! We are brothers! We won't be able to do anything in public. It will end without there ever being a beginning.” Sam exclaims, frustration seeping out of his bones. Dean looks down at his lap.  
“Look at it this way, our father is dead, all of our friends are dead. No one even knows who we are when we meet them. We hide under different names and different jobs. We are whole other people, so no one has to know that we are related. We have the chance to be whoever we want to be. We can kiss in public, hold hands, live together. We could even tell people.” Dean explains, smiling. His eyes have that look inside of them again, and Sam so badly just wants to say okay to all of this and then live happily ever after.  
“Dean, get this, that sounds amazing. it does, truly. And I might want that with you. I might want it so much that I cry every night. I'm sorry, that was obnoxious. Anyway, I am willing to try this. I am willing to do this thing if you are.” Sam admits, not making eye contact with his brother.  
“Look at me.” Dean scowls, his finger resting under Sam’s chin, and then tips it up. He smiles softly, and laughs a little.  
“I love you.” Sam whispers, grabbing onto Dean’s wrist, tightly. He leans forward so that their foreheads are resting against each other.  
“I love you too, Sammy.” Dean whispers back, then drops his hand from under Sam’s chin to place it on the back of his thigh. He pulls him closer, so their chests are pressed against each other. Sam feels like he can feel their hearts beating together.


End file.
